Some HP characters + correct eye colors
Voldy looks terrifying
He’s supposed to be
I CAN REST EASY NOW
i laughed so hard at the “i don’t know” and “something is wrong”
the twilight one is like abstract poetry
They all kind of read like weird little stories in and of themselves. HG is about an amnesia victim trying to recall the facts people have told her about herself, but which she doesn’t remember. Twilight is a love story about two mimes. And Harry Potter is the tragic story of boy whom absolutely nothing happens to.
Agent Carlos Field Notes Copy: December 16th, 2000
A tell-all novel detailing the social and romantic entanglements of our generation’s most sought-after public figures has been released by journalist Rita Skeeter, to critical acclaim. The book, which follows members of the revolutionary group known as Dumbledore’s Army alongside subjects Emperor, Bluebell, and Knight (commonly known as the Golden Trio), has some staggering metaphysical implications. Among many other ludicrous and enticing claims, Skeeter asserts that there exist an infinite number of universes parallel to our own, each potentially similar or radically different from ours. Such universes, according to Skeeter’s sources, may spring into existence as a result of everyday choices. Thus a coin tossed into the air engenders the creation of entirely separate universes where it may land on either heads or tails.
Skeeter goes on to spin a tale in which, approached by a gifted wix who had managed to cross over from another universe to ours, she was made privy to goings-on in a world much like our own, yet shaped by slightly different events. In Skeeter’s alternate universe, subjects Emperor and Bluebell are “meant” to be linked romantically, while subject Knight is doomed to a life of mediocrity. In addition, Skeeter’s source seems intent on specifying that any children born of Emperor and Bluebell’s marriage would be named after inoffensive family members, and certainly not former Hogwarts Headmasters.
In yet another alternate universe, it seems both Emperor and Bluebell compete instead for the attentions of a wealthy Slytherin classmate, while Emperor’s long-dead godfather and former Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher are resurrected and joined in matrimony.
All evidence suggests Skeeter has reached the dusk of her career and is now simply making things up.
 Addendum by Agent Sparrow: Above notes obtained from the records of Agent Carlos, Head of a Department outpost in location codename Night Vale. Agent Carlos is perfect, with perfect hair and a perfect jaw. His observations will be carefully investigated.
harry/draco is hard because everyone writes them differently and every story you gotta re-calibrate, both for what they’re like and whats happening in the context of the hp books
yeah, that’s kind of what i love about it! it’s like there are so many divergent “fanon” types for each of them and then in the best stories, they’re individualized even beyond that!
mmm harry/draco ;_;
AU where Gryffindor are the stuck up, blood purist house. They’re the white knights of Hogwarts and Wizarding Britain-but knights ride roughshod over the peasantry.
from ‘The Four Loves’ by C.S. Lewis: “The danger is that this partial indifference or deafness to outside opinion, justified and necessary though it is, may lead to a wholesale indifference or deafness. The most spectacular instances of this can be seen not in a circle of friends but in a Theocratic or aristocratic class. We know what the Priests in Our Lord’s time thought of the common people. The Knights in Froissart’s chronicles had neither sympathy nor mercy for the “outsiders”, the churls or peasants. But this deplorable indifference was very closely intertwined with a good quality. They really had, among themselves, a very high standard of valour, generosity, courtesy and honour. This standard the cautious, close-fisted churl would have thought merely silly. The Knights, in maintaining it, were, and had to be, wholly indifferent to his views. They “didn’t give a damn” what he thought. If they had, our own standard today would be the poorer and the coarser for it. But the habit of “not giving a damn” grows on a class. To discount the voice of the peasant where it really ought to be discounted makes it easier to discounthis voice when he cries for justice or mercy. The partial deafness which is noble and necessary encourages the wholesale deafness which is arrogant and inhuman.”
Gryffindor’s all about chivalry, but that word comes from cheval, horse. Chivalry is the behaviour of a mounted knight. An aristocrat. Someone born and raised to think himself Better Than You.
and the Slytherins? ‘These cunning folk use any means to achieve their ends’, and Slytherin house is all about ambition. In other words…merit over bloodline. Why appoint a pureblood to a post over a more qualified muggleborn, just on the basis of that blood? Why try to purge Wizarding culture of Muggle influences, when Muggles have produced so many interesting and useful things and ideas that a clever wizard could turn to his own advantage? Why bully and make an enemy of supersmart Hermione Granger, when it would be far more in your self-interest to make friends with her and have her help you out with your schoolwork?
and why would Slytherins follow a Dark Lord? Because let’s face it; Dark Lords are nuts and getting close to them in any way is hazardous to your health. If the forces of Light don’t strike you down, the Dark Lord himself might well, in a fit of pique. And anyway-while the Dark Lord is in power, there’s no room at the top because he’s occupying it. How is that a good thing if you’re ambitious?
but Gryffindors, well, knights must serve a king…unquestioning obedience to one’s king is a virtue among knights. And a king proposing a return to the virtuous olden days, to chivalry and honour and the lower orders knowing their place if they knew what was good for them…
Date: October 4, 1896
Department: Secrecy and Obfuscation
Agent in Charge: Glynda North
Event: In a truly appalling oversight that has since been rectified, the subject, Ms. Dorothy Gale, when seeking shelter from a tornado in the South-Central Region, managed to gain admission to a heavily warded warehouse of dangerous and defunct magical objects. Though agents in charge of the warehouse swore up and down they had warded it against all Muggle intrusion, it seems young Ms. Gale not only found it no problem to locate the building, but also to let herself inside. She quickly became confused in the spatially warped interior and became lost for several weeks.
While wandering the interior of the warehouse, Ms. Gale befriended an animate scarecrow (which was incapable of scaring song birds, much less crows), a magical woodsman that felt such empathy for trees that its own tears caused it to rust, and a stuffed toy lion that had lacked the courage to fend off shadows for its original keeper. A little less than a month after her invasion. Ms. Gale was discovered by one of the keepers of the warehouse, Wilhemina Winkle. Madam Winkie of course apprehended the young girl and promptly called DSO agents to wipe her memory.
Whatever strength of will gained Ms. Gale access to warehouse, however, seems to have inured her to memory charms as well, and while the exact nature of her misadventure eludes her, she is quite caught up with the fanciful notion of another land called Oz, which draws broad elements from her time in the warehouse. Her three companions are repeated theme, as are the yellow walk-ways, a pair of cursed silver shoes the young girl apparently replaced her own shoes with, and Madam Winkle’s wooden leg and pursuit of her from the back of a broom.
We have deemed Ms. Gale’s modified memory acceptable, and she is currently at residence in a mental institution in Chicago, but hope she will be well soon so that we may release her back to her family. Her interest in Muggle newspapers is a good sign that she is slowly erasing these nebulous memories, and we are told she has taken up correspondence with several reporters for the Evening Post.
Case Status: CLOSED
(Mod Note: The idea for this concept was originally given to us by Adriene who also gave us permission to play with the idea for the fic. All the elements here are directly attributable to them, and I only had the extreme honor of putting it in ficlet form)
Three on the front, and three to seek, A Lord shall rise to smite the weak, From east to west all three shall tread, And bring forth darkness and the dead. But the children of a kingdom lost, Shall raise the earth to pay the cost, And with hands of clay the way is made, And victory stopped, the Dark Lord stayed. Time bought for he who waits apart, To stop the beating of his heart.
This prophecy, recently recovered from the private collection of one Atillus Kannick, a warlock based out of Warsaw, has been heralded as an immense find by wizarding historians. Scholars have long known about the existence of this prophecy, but its exact nature has always remained elusive.
Unlike many Dark Lords throughout history, Grindelwald did not content himself to manipulating and building a power base in magical society. Unlike Lord Voldemort (Tom Marvolo Riddle) in England, who did not plan far enough ahead to taming the Muggle populace, or Lady Isabelle Temper out of the Southern-Region, who simply killed any non-magical personage who crossed her path, Gellart Grindelwald applied his abundance of charm and brilliant mind for strategy to creating a muggle form of governance that would, with a minimum of conflict, allow wizards and witches to assume ruling positions in society. Purity obsessed and fascinated by the occult, the Third Reich was a machine built specifically to elevate Grindelwald and his followers into positions of power without even having to hide their magical talent from the muggle populace. His long term plan would have created a class structure based on race, national origin, and the possession of magic, which would be conveniently “discovered” by Nazi occultists sometime after Grindelwald and his puppets in the Third Reich cemented their control in Europe.
The debate, of course, has long centered on to what extent Grindelwald and his followers were complicit in the Holocaust, and the subsequent murder of millions of racial, ethnic, sexual, and religious minorities throughout Europe. The Dark Lord had proven himself more than willing to commit atrocities to gain power, and it is well known that his followers were only too happy to use mass graves created by German forces to raise Inferii in mass, but Grindelwald has also proven a deeply methodical and manipulative leader who rarely did anything that did not further his plans. For decades historians have bickered over his reasoning, or if he were involved at all, or, perhaps, if he knew about the concentration camps and the atrocities that occurred there, and just didn’t care.
This prophecy, according to scholars, holds the answer.
Grindelwald was not the first Dark Lord to use the dead as shock-troops in his attempted conquest of the world, though he was the only one who had such a bounty of corpses to use. For many historians, this was reason enough for Gellart to look the other way when it came to the death-camps being run by his muggle allies in the Third Reich. While our European allies were doing everything they could to turn the tide of the dead, it was not until American Aurors showed up in 1941 with their secret weapon that any measurable victories were made against Grindelwald’s shambling hordes.
In the late 1800s and early 1900s, the AWC saw a large influx of immigration from the magical communities of Northern and Central Europe. The growing strength of what our European brethren refer to as “Dark Wizards” in the region caused countless magical families to flee west, seeking asylum. Disproportionately represented in these new populations were Jewish witches and wizards who faced the duel threat of purism and antisemitism in both mundane and magical society. They brought with them a unique magical tradition that, over the decades, began to influence magical practice in certain regions of the AWC. In 1922, one particular practice of Jewish Wizards caught the attention of then Auror-in-Chief Harry Gladstone.
The Golem, a magical construct of immense strength, power, and magical resistance, proved to be an invaluable resource for the Auror’s Board in its battle to combat dangers to the AWC. A combination of power transfigurative magics, complex alchemies, and a naming-magic unique the to Judaic tradition of sorcery, the golem was viewed as the perfect soldier…so long as its handler could keep control over it. In the fight with Grindelwald, these constructs of clay were the perfect counter to the Inferii hordes. Coated in magical flames that caused them no harm, they could wade easily into the swarms of the dead and devastate their forces: a single Golem often made the difference between defeat and victory for Allied Wizarding Forces, and stalled the Dark Lord’s westward march.
The Jewish witches and wizards responsible for raising the Golems were clearly the “children of the kingdom lost” mentioned in the prophecy. It is now speculated that in order to defer this fate, Grindelwald may not have only known about the death and concentration camps of the Holocaust, but actively have participated in their formation, hoping to eradicate the threat to his power presented by the Jewish magical tradition.
The participation of the golems was vital in stalling Grindewald’s forces long enough for one Albus Dumbledore, a former friend and (it is now known) paramour of the Dark Lord, to meet with those who had suffered at the hands of his old ally and decide to move against him directly.. Surrounded by a coalition of aurors from the various allieed nations, and supported by the largest single collection of Golems ever assembled, Dumbledore led the assault on Nuremgard, where he defeated his former friend and ended the wizarding war on the European Front.
Golems are still a vital part of the Auror taskforce in the AWC, and those Jewish-American families who know the secret of their craft work under contract with AB-DENS to create and maintain a force of the constructs. Rumors persist that numerous sculptures through muggle and wizarding cities have been replaced with carefully constructed golems, which can be activated by the Aurors-Board in times of dire need.
Because I have very strong feelings about this character and about the handling of Slytherin house as a whole, and I will fucking fight you over them. (I look forward to the hate messages I’ll get sent because of this immensely.) Also because darlingdukeofsuffolk talked me into it and because I have no self restraint: so here it is. The rant I promised.
Also I hope you enjoy the references to other shows/films.
V. important links that support my arguments (because there is only so much you can fit into 10 slides:)
All of this. So hard.
Pansy Parkinson, as she was written, is such a poorly handled character compared to the male Slytherins, even Crabbe and Goyle. Why does Draco Malfoy get his happy ending when Pansy doesn’t deserve it? In terms of bullying and actual evil deeds, he did far worse than she ever did. And in the end, he never truly redeems himself. He goes neutral, he walks away. And Pansy is sent to the dungeons with the rest of her house to wait out the final battle. Neither of them had a moment of heroics, but Draco gets his wife and kid while Pansy’s fate was intentionally left ambiguous and, implicitly, was unsatisfying.
There is something to be said about using writing as a way to deal with issues in your life, and her teenage bullying is one of them, though I feel like Pansy was too minor a character in-text to really embody this. But it’s her interviews that really bother me, her bringing her up as what girls shouldn’t be, as the ‘anti-Hermione’, as basically the worst damn character in the series. You can see this, I think, with Rita Skeeter and Umbridge as well relative to how male villains are treated, but Pansy is the one Rowling has a grudge against. And it’s… disheartening, and very un-feminist.
I’ve ranted, but god, I have a lot of feelings about the female antagonists of this series and Rowling’s brand of feminism.
Agent Sparrow Field Notes: September 13th, 2000
Before Saint Mungo’s offered gender reassignment spell sessions, wixes in search of treatment came to the Department. 1908 Department of Mysteries Head Cedrella Barnardsworth, née John Barnardsworth, defied Wizengamot legislation by running an after-hours clinic in sector four. Sessions were provided anonymously and free of charge. Cedrella’s operation was eventually discovered and shut down by fervent Black and Crouch family lobbyists, while the former Department Head was demoted and relocated to the American Ministry (where it was expected her defiance would soon be quelled). She reopened her clinic at once in her Boston Manor, for which she was sent to the Storm Cage, America’s largest magical prison
Cedrella is known to have escaped from the Storm Cage a total of eleven times, after which the Ministry seemed to abandon all hope of containing her and adopted a policy of denial. Friends of Cedrella have written that she kept a larger-than-life portrait of her likeness prior to her spell therapy in the grand vestibule, and that it liked to shout encouragement at patients in middle English.
Cedrella Barnardsworth is one of the most celebrated alumni of Slytherin house in history. Her home in Boston has been made over into a museum, and a statue in her honor stands in the Slytherin common room.